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Why it's best to avoid revenge during divorce

Divorcing North Carolina couples may be tempted to use the court system as a tool to exact revenge on disappointing spouses. However, that strategy is not recommended for a number of reasons. Divorce lawyers charge by the hour, and disputes between spouses can cost many thousands of dollars. The anger and hurt feelings felt by both parties during a divorce may fuel a thirst for vengeance, however giving in to the urge is an expensive mistake that costs more than just money.

There are plenty of reasons why leveraging the court for vengeance is a bad idea. However, the most compelling reason for parents is that children often get caught in the crossfires between angry spouses. Divorcing spouses may be able to end the marriage, but the children have an ongoing relationship with both parents that deserves to be honored. Creating hardship for a parent almost always affects the children and sometimes backfires against the revenge-seeking parent.

Another factor is that judges are unlikely to be moved by whatever salacious details one party may wish to air publicly about the other. Judges hear thousands of cases in their careers and are unlikely to be shocked in the context of a typical divorce. Most judges simply want to facilitate the marital dissolution as equitably as possible and encourage parents to focus on the children.

Revenge also requires a backward focus at a time when divorcing couples should look forward to create a healthy post-divorce life for themselves and their children. When acrimony lingers, it can cloud judgment going forward and delay necessary emotional healing in the wake of divorce.

Choosing how and when to end a marriage requires careful consideration during often emotionally turbulent times. A family law attorney can help provide the kind of insight and guidance needed when deciding whether to end a marriage.

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